January always signals the beginning of a new year. With it comes the idea of a clean start. Out with the old and in with the new. But when the messiness of life closes in, a fresh beginning seems impossible. The pain, uncertainty, frustration, and anger can feel like chains holding you inside a tornado of chaos.
The Key
Anything associated with the difficulties of life can be fluid. Maybe you’re dealing with a loss of security or some turmoil. Did you lose your job? Are you going through a divorce? Are you worried about your kids? Anything like this can be grueling. But there is one thing within your control that can make or break how you survive. The magic key? Accepting the reality of your situation. The choice is this: determine to accept what's happening, then make the necessary changes to move forward; or, choose to continue to be dominated by the disorder. You decide. You can get off the merry-go-round, stop circling the drain, and begin to move in a new direction.
The Path to A New Normal
Acknowledging the truth of your circumstance can change the course of your life. While it may sound simple, many times it is not. Struggling with “why me” keeps you wrestling with reality. The energy spent on anger, disappointment and pain is exhausting if you continue to focus on the mess rather than what can be done.
Even though it may not seem like it, you are in control. You have the power over your thoughts and choices. Instead of looking at the situation and saying, "I can't do this," change that statement to a question; "What can I change to make this better?" Attitude is the difference. Once you decide to alter your approach, you will be able to respond differently.
The Truth About Acceptance
Understanding what acceptance is, and what it is not, is important. Simply put, you embrace the reality that is unchangeable but then focus on what you control.
Acceptance does not mean giving in or giving up. Instead, by choosing to accept the truth, you give yourself permission to: Be as you are, feel what you feel, or experience what you've experienced without creating unproductive shame or anxiety. The pain might still be there, but some of the suffering will be alleviated. Acceptance is not passive. It's realizing your time and effort are best applied elsewhere. This allows you to move on instead of being perpetually stuck in a quagmire of “should haves” and “would haves.”
How to Practice Acceptance
Humanly, it is easy to let resistance become your default reaction to difficult circumstances. Here are some suggestions to help you work toward actively embracing the difficulties as they occur.
Focus on the positives. Work to notice the small things. Often, the things we take for granted can be what makes us feel better.
Be content. Learn to be satisfied with what you have in the present, while still working toward change.
Forgive yourself if you're hanging on to guilt or shame. If you don’t let go of those emotions, you’ll never be free to truly experience new things.
Don't avoid reality. Everyone has a problem they'd love to ignore and finding destructive ways to cope is tempting. But, even if you don't want to deal with an issue just yet, you can still learn to be okay with it just being there. It is way healthier for your mind and soul.
Be present. Being in a rush and thinking about yesterday (usually with regrets) or worrying about tomorrow is the norm. So, work to slow down, take a deep breath, and notice what's going on in the moment. Just see it, feel it, listen to it, and let it be. The peace and calmness you find may surprise you.
A Biblical Perspective on Acceptance
A good Scripture reference for learning to accept your situation is Romans 8:28. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Difficulties and pain, while not part of your plan for life, can work for your good as this verse tells us. However, that begs an answer to, "How can this situation be worked for good?" It's a valid question because not every separate painful part of your life by itself is good.
The words "all things" are the key. The difference isn't looking at each situation by itself. Losing your job, breaking your leg, or wrecking your car are not good things. But when God weaves everything that happens together with every other part of your life, He will create what He knows is ultimately good for you. For instance, what if breaking your leg takes you to a new job or brings a new friendship? What if you find your dream job by losing another job? Look at the circumstances from a bigger perspective.
Here and Now
Your life may not be what you want at this moment. However, it doesn't mean it never will be. That's the benefit of being in a place of acceptance. You can choose to let go of anger, allow frustration to become contentment, and pain growing into peace. By practicing your choice to take responsibility for the things you can change, and then making those changes, you will soon see positive results. Celebrate the beginning of this new year by determining to move forward. A new normal awaits and it can be better than you hope.
"Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation.
Then deciding what you're going to do about it."
Kathleen Casey Theisen
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