Sticks and Stones

You’ve probably heard the old saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” One of those childhood phrases, it’s meant to make us feel strong in the face of insults or name-calling. But let’s be honest - words do hurt. Sometimes, they hurt far more deeply than sticks or stones ever could. And when those words come from the person who vowed to love and cherish you, that pain can run to the very core of your soul.

The Power of Words

The Bible doesn’t use the term “verbal abuse,” but it also doesn’t treat words as harmless. In fact, Scripture consistently reminds us that our tongues are powerful. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). That’s a strong statement and it means what we say can either build someone up or tear them apart. Words can heal, but they also have the power to destroy.

This is never truer than in the marriage relationship. When a husband uses words to belittle, manipulate, or intimidate his wife, it’s not just “mean talk.” It’s a form of emotional violence called verbal abuse. It can occur in many ways: constant criticism, name-calling, sarcasm, humiliation, silent treatment, or threats disguised as jokes. Over time, this behavior chips away at a woman’s soul, impacting her confidence, peace, and even her faith.

What Scripture Says About Verbal Abuse

God’s Word is clear that love and abuse cannot coexist. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul describes love as patient and kind, not rude or self-seeking. Love “does not dishonor others, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” That’s a picture of healthy, Christlike love. Verbal abuse stands in direct opposition to that image.

Ephesians 4:29 instructs, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.” The way we speak should reflect the Spirit of Christ within us, gentle, truthful, and filled with grace. A husband who constantly uses words to tear down his wife is not walking inside God’s design for marriage.

Marriage, from God’s perspective, was never meant to be a place of torment or fear. In fact, Ephesians 5:25 charges husbands to “love their wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Christ’s love is sacrificial, protective, and tender. Any form of verbal degradation violates that sacred call.

Oppressed Living

Women living in a verbally abusive marriage can feel trapped, guilty, or even spiritually confused. Maybe a pastor has said to “submit” no matter what. But submission in Scripture was never meant to excuse sin or enable cruelty, and it was always voluntary. God does not call His daughters to endure mistreatment in silence.

This kind of treatment is crushing to the spirit. And Proverbs 18:14 indicates, “A woman’s [sic] spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?” God sees this pain and knows the cry of a heart devastated from a marriage relationship that is destructive. Proverbs 22:24 says, “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man.” He does not ask women to remain in a situation that is killing the heart, mind, or soul.

Healing from Verbal Wounds

Healing from verbal abuse takes time. The hurtful words can echo in a mind long after they are spoken. But the same Word that reveals the power of the tongue also offers restoration. God’s truth can rewrite the lies spoken over you.

When someone calls you “worthless,” remember Psalm 139:14 says you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” When someone claims, “You’ll never be good enough,” consider Ephesians 2:10. It says you are “God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works.” And when you feel unseen or unloved, remember Romans 8:38-39 declares, “nothing” can separate you from the love of God.

Most importantly, it is okay to take care of yourself; to set boundaries; to seek counseling or support. And especially, it’s okay to protect your heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”

The Last Word

Words may have hurt you deeply, but God’s Word has the power to heal you. His promises are stronger than any insult, and His truth is louder than any lie. You are not defined by the harsh words of another as a verbal target, but by the Words of your Creator. Allow His truth to remind you that you are loved, seen, and valued.

The next time you hear that old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” remember this: words can hurt, but they can also heal. And when you choose to hold on to God’s truth, no weapon - verbal or otherwise - will prosper against you (Isaiah 54:17).